To us INFJs, our world – inner and outer – is a constant paradox of what life should ideally be. We feel so deeply and take things so intensely. Sometimes, I can’t imagine the processing power of how our minds work. We’d think of a million things at the same time, trying to understand and justify how things work in a certain way. We are people watchers. Not the stalking type. But we watch people and can sense their energy from miles away because that’s who we are. Highly sensitive and extremely receptive to our surroundings. I sometimes wonder why I feel things so strongly. So gravely. But that’s just who I am. Loving and caring comes very natural to us. But we can be a conflicted contradiction. Yes, we can be. Because more or less of the time, as much as we love to be there for almost everyone, we run into our shell, to stay in our thoughts. Solitude refines us. Helps us re-energize ourselves in order to breathe. Breathe from the chaos around us. Breathe from how sensitive we are to energy and how that energy becomes a part of us. Because we empathize. Empathy, I wonder, is it a curse or a blessing? To feel a person’s emotions or even our strong intuition that helps us understand a person’s true intentions.

Sounds exhausting doesn’t it?

It is but we continue to do what we have to do. Most of the time, we feel alone so we hold ourselves back from the world that’s in front of our eyes. We mask ourselves away so that people don’t see our paradoxical nature. Most people think we are ambiverts. Maybe so. But introverts, we certainly are. Always zoning out in our thoughts. And we are never good enough. No matter how much we improve ourselves, we find that there is a missing piece in the puzzle. We become our worst critic. Constantly under-appreciating the things, we do for humanity and perceiving ourselves as failures when ever we do something wrong. It’s a constant battle in our minds.

And, if you are lucky enough, you’d come across a person or people who will see right through you. Once you do, they will see your naked soul and maybe they’d find it difficult to understand who you truly are and maybe they won’t. When you feel exposed, you sometimes feel uneasy. Afraid. Afraid that people won’t accept the paradox, you truly are.

But life goes regardless of acceptance or rejection doesn’t it?

As Leo Tolstoy states, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Something I like to live by. Because, change at the end of the day, begins with you. I may be my worst critic but if it helps me grow and become a better person, that will certainly help me make the world a better place, or rather, I’d like to think so.