Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts

Lost in Transition: Navigating the Emotions of Self-Discovery and Healing



It has been a while since I have put my thoughts into words. So much has happened, and to be honest, I am not sure how I feel about it all. My emotions feel like an intricate puzzle scattered across my mind and heart. A mix of contradictions, confusion, and acceptance. Is this a personal crisis? Or is this just what it means to come to terms with the reality of those we once idolized?

Coming to terms with the fact that my mother is gone has been a journey in itself. There are moments when I still feel her presence, like a whisper in the wind or a warmth that lingers in the quietest corners of my heart. But the truth is, she never really tried to be a mother to my sister and me. She was there, yet absent in all the ways that mattered. I ache for the love she never gave, for the words she never spoke, for the nurturing she never offered. My heart breaks for my sister and me, for the void that now lives where her presence should have been.

When I think of my father, I feel sorrow too. Life hasn't been easy for him, and when one carries the weight of past wounds, it’s easy to make decisions that are driven by pain rather than clarity. A life full of undue pressure and sacrifice can shape people in ways that are difficult to understand.

I sit here wondering - was my birth what triggered their struggles? Was I not enough? Was my sister not enough? Sometimes, I cry thinking about it, but I don’t quite know why. It’s just a heaviness that lingers in my heart. And when that weight becomes unbearable, crying in solitude helps me gather my thoughts and breathe again.

This has been a recurring cycle for over a year now. There are days when I feel completely shut off from my emotions, and then there are moments when I feel overwhelmed with feelings I can’t even put into words.

Yet, through it all, I find solace in the higher powers of this universe - Jesus, Shiva, Vishnu, Durga. I feel like they are all watching over me, like nurturing parents offering comfort in moments of distress. For that, I am forever grateful.

I am also grateful for the things that keep me going - the stability of my job, the people I work with, my sister, my niece, my friends, my cousin - who is also my soul sister - and even the little stray dogs and cats that pause their day to greet me. They remind me that despite the uncertainty, love and warmth exist in the smallest of moments. I hope to continue finding the strength to live so I can cherish these blessings for as long as I can.

I have come to understand that impermanence is the only constant in life. And most of the time, I feel like I don’t quite belong here. When I look up at the vast night sky, I feel as though my true home is somewhere among the stars—far away from the chaos of this world. Perhaps, I am just a wandering soul on this planet, searching for a space to finally call home.

For now, I will keep searching. I will keep living. And I will keep finding beauty in the little things.

Letting Go To Rise Above It All




Moving on from a person you loved with all your heart and soul is never an easy task but when the time is right, it has to be done. It can be your soul mate. It can be your best friend. It can be that one person that you never imagined yourself without. All of these need to be done in due time for the betterment of yourself and your sanity. Separation is painful. Erasing memories that was once shared is even more painful. But in due time, wounds will heal and you'll learn to carry on with your life. That's the very nature of what we call life. The ups and downs of losing someone is a thorn that pricks right through your entire being. And, over time it becomes a blurred vision of something that was once a reality. A reality that had to be left behind.

Sometimes you will love that person so much that you will constantly hope that someday things would change for the better. Hoping that someday, you'd be in the arms of the familiar perfume of the embrace that was once known. You will hope for the pecks on your forehead, the caresses that silenced your fear and the familiar face you once woke up to. The little things that once made you happier than you've ever known in your entire life.

But, sadly in life, things don't really work that way because two people expect different things from something they call a relationship. Love is never enough to make ends meet. It's about compromise. It's about helping each other grow in every aspect of each other's life. It's all about two individuals living their separate lives and growing together as a duo. A team that will bring an abundance of happiness and bring out the best in each other.

Hopefully, someday when things are falling into place you will meet someone who will love you for who you are whole-heartedly.

Hopefully, someday you'd feel a stronger connection with someone and forget what you once shared with this special entity.

Hopefully, someday you will let go all of your fears and learn to love again with all your heart and soul.

Hopefully, someday you will heal from the dreary loss of someone you once knew as your best friend, your soul mate, your all-in-one.

Until then, understand that you are special and you mean something on this planet.

Light up your path and lift up your spirit because what you create out of what is left of you is what will help you rise above it all.  

A Prayer For Healing


I pray that you will tell yourself just the way I have,
That we made the decision together,
That we went through it together,
It stands to be an experience in the past,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will find yourself,
And treasure yourself,
For the beautiful person you are,
And for the glorious person you ought to be,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you let your inner strengths,
Trample the weaknesses,
And motivate yourself to believe that you are created,
And that you will be ecstatic about yourself,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will let your eyes water,
And set your heart free,
Of the pain that has drowned you,
And let you feel the relief of a healing soul,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will forgive yourself,
Just the way the savior has forgiven you,
For the sins you commit is seen,
And the forgiveness you seek for is always given,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will forgive me,
For my heartfelt apology,
And understand that I have understood,
What you went through was just the same as me,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will apologize to our dear one,
Just the way I have,
And lovingly say that,
It wasn’t time for your arrival,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will hear the sound,
Of our dear little one,
Saying ‘It’s ok’,
‘I know it wasn’t my time’
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will look at me,
And tell yourself that,
Both of us are two very special people,
Needed in this world,
And it will remain that way.

I pray that you will hear me,
Calling out for you,
Earnestly in my prayers,
And telling you that ‘We are going to make it’,
And it will remain that way.
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