Showing posts with label inner-identity. Show all posts

Lost in Transition: Navigating the Emotions of Self-Discovery and Healing



It has been a while since I have put my thoughts into words. So much has happened, and to be honest, I am not sure how I feel about it all. My emotions feel like an intricate puzzle scattered across my mind and heart. A mix of contradictions, confusion, and acceptance. Is this a personal crisis? Or is this just what it means to come to terms with the reality of those we once idolized?

Coming to terms with the fact that my mother is gone has been a journey in itself. There are moments when I still feel her presence, like a whisper in the wind or a warmth that lingers in the quietest corners of my heart. But the truth is, she never really tried to be a mother to my sister and me. She was there, yet absent in all the ways that mattered. I ache for the love she never gave, for the words she never spoke, for the nurturing she never offered. My heart breaks for my sister and me, for the void that now lives where her presence should have been.

When I think of my father, I feel sorrow too. Life hasn't been easy for him, and when one carries the weight of past wounds, it’s easy to make decisions that are driven by pain rather than clarity. A life full of undue pressure and sacrifice can shape people in ways that are difficult to understand.

I sit here wondering - was my birth what triggered their struggles? Was I not enough? Was my sister not enough? Sometimes, I cry thinking about it, but I don’t quite know why. It’s just a heaviness that lingers in my heart. And when that weight becomes unbearable, crying in solitude helps me gather my thoughts and breathe again.

This has been a recurring cycle for over a year now. There are days when I feel completely shut off from my emotions, and then there are moments when I feel overwhelmed with feelings I can’t even put into words.

Yet, through it all, I find solace in the higher powers of this universe - Jesus, Shiva, Vishnu, Durga. I feel like they are all watching over me, like nurturing parents offering comfort in moments of distress. For that, I am forever grateful.

I am also grateful for the things that keep me going - the stability of my job, the people I work with, my sister, my niece, my friends, my cousin - who is also my soul sister - and even the little stray dogs and cats that pause their day to greet me. They remind me that despite the uncertainty, love and warmth exist in the smallest of moments. I hope to continue finding the strength to live so I can cherish these blessings for as long as I can.

I have come to understand that impermanence is the only constant in life. And most of the time, I feel like I don’t quite belong here. When I look up at the vast night sky, I feel as though my true home is somewhere among the stars—far away from the chaos of this world. Perhaps, I am just a wandering soul on this planet, searching for a space to finally call home.

For now, I will keep searching. I will keep living. And I will keep finding beauty in the little things.

A New Era For Dreamsera



With 2016 jack-in-the-boxing right at your face, you are bound to figure out that changes come about in different identities. Everyone harps on about New Year’s resolutions and all that jazz. The thing is, it's always a repetitive cycle isn't it? Let's lose weight, drink less, smoke less, save more, travel more...the list goes on. As we tread through the first few months of the year, we stick to our so-called 'resolutions' and then it's forgotten. The re-visit is made in the following year. All that harping for nothing I suppose. I am guilty as charged for initiating this very same notion.

Personally, I didn't make any 2016 new year's resolutions thus far. Why, you may wonder. Well, I just want to experience life just as it is. For me, like every other year, 2015 had its ups and downs. It threw me off guard and reeled me back into reality. The reality of understanding that every experience, however mind boggling or simple it maybe, taught me more than I could ask for. The gift of learning from every experience is something I am very much grateful for.

You are bound to experience things on-the-go, each day, every day. Sometimes, simply having prior experiences makes you understand that, experiences doesn't necessarily murder you in your soul, instead, it helps you realize that your capacity as a human being, on this beautifully sculpted planet is a constant expansive force. The force is what lies within you. But, unlocking that hidden force, through the mysteries of your capabilities is what's left in your hands. Enlightening the bones in your soul is your responsibility.

As a starting point, try to understand your inner-most identity. Your inner-most beauty, your destructive deity. This is what you are made of. And then comes along your weaving dreams. Always on the go, never ready to say no. It's a constant hypothetical world of your mind's reality for yourself. For most people, dreams hibernate in their minds. Creating illusions with delusions. What’s the point in that, really?

These dreams can be real, you know? You can be a dreamer. A dreamer that becomes a reaper- creating the density in your destiny.

It's a new era for Dreamsera - my very own place to weave a box full of dreams into a mission. A mission with a profound vision. A leap of faith, and a heart-felt state, is all it takes, to create my very own graceful place.  
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