Yeah, you got that right! It’s not, to infinite and beyond, just yet.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I turned 30 and I must say I’m feeling a tad bit different. And whenever I do feel different or uneasy, I just tell myself it’s just something psychological or it’s all in my head. Today turned out to be pretty much a reflective day. I mean, all the other days are reflective too in a few other ways. But, today just made me think of what I’d truly want at the end of my life and if I’m on the right path to achieving it. Once I thought of all the little things that would add up in my life, I made it a point to write it down on my ‘Life Journey’ – a little notepad that reminds me of who I really am and what I really want to be. It has the minuscule details of things that would make me happy, things that would make me sad, quotes from my role-models, dream jobs and all that jazz. I mean, if I look back in time, and read the pages from a couple of years ago, I witness the change that has taken place and evolved me into who I am right now. And, there is obviously so much more I want to achieve and hopefully and eventually I’d get to that soon. Soon enough so that I don’t turn frail. Frail enough to continue in an aimless trail.

Anyways getting to the point of being 30, it has twisted my thought process a tad bit more than I expected. I take it as a good thing (I guess) as I am filled with mixed emotions during this transitional stage. I don’t really know if everyone goes through this when they turn 30 but I certainly am going through it right now. I don’t really know how to explain how I’m truly feeling but it’s how your mind basically accelerates and does its share of over-time and keeps you awake until sunrise (I’m kidding, I get my share of sleep but you get my drift? It disrupts your normal way of doing things daily). So many changes have taken place and each decision I make, I’d think of it over, and over again. I don’t really know if it’s an over analysis but when it comes to certain aspects of my life, like career for instance, I value a peace of mind. And, yes working in a place that would challenge me but give me a peace of mind at the same time is pretty much what I want right now. When I say peace of mind, it doesn’t mean I want to work in a graveyard. It simply means that I want to be able to work in a space with people that genuinely respect one another, gels well together and works towards not a career but a mission they’ve set out for themselves that tallies with the organizational mission as well. Isn’t that what all of us as human beings should focus on and work on? To basically become one giant human organism by helping each other grow and sow. Sow for our future generations so that they’d do the same, spread goodwill that won’t standstill to the negativity that will result in the epitome of destructivity.

I think all these things are interconnected and interwoven. For instance, I would love to be a good mother and a good wife (stop laughing already!). And to me, becoming that is an achievement. For me to be able to say it out loud despite of having commitment issues and marital fear at one point in my life, that is an achievement too. But lucky for me, all of those freaky feelings went out the window. Because I started looking at the bigger picture. I want to be in a good marriage and be a great wife, not merely to make myself happy but also to inspire other couples on how they can stay in love and take care of each other, despite of how long they’ve been together. Because, marriage is something that will need attention and continuous improvement. I’ve never been married before, but I gather inspiration from role-models who have successfully achieved true happiness in their respective marriages. If you see things in this light, you never know, you might even help reduce the divorce rates that surround you. And, the other most obvious deal is that a great marriage would lead to children with strong physical, emotional and spiritual attributes because they will learn from the way you live. So, if your way of life is disgruntled, they are bound to be disgruntled as well. Trust me when I say this because I come from a broken family and there was so much I had to learn on my own. I mean, trusting people for instance became such a grueling task and showing emotions when I wanted to, that became even harder. And, I’ve come a long way from where I was back then (thanks to the amazing people around me who are exceptionally patient, you know who you are! 😊). Now I’ve understood my biological role of becoming a nurturer/a mother (that’s a huge achievement for me!) so that I can bring up a child that would turn out to be an adult who’d want to inspire other people and help them grow. I mean, whatever I feel we should do as human beings, should be a continuous process. And, if all goes well, I will ensure what I believe to be my legacy to spread goodwill is continued with the future that would lie in my womb and see the light of this world, someday. Because, good people are ‘never enough’. Simply because there can never be ‘too much’ of good in this world. When it comes to good, it cannot be defined by ‘too much’. Good is infinite. Infinite like the galaxies that spread across the skies on this journey we call life.